


Cracks in the Skin

by Qpenguin98



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Emotionally Repressed, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Miscommunication, Relationship Advice, TAZ Candlenights Exchange 2018, dunno how ive never used that one before, guess that's a tag!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 02:15:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17133143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qpenguin98/pseuds/Qpenguin98
Summary: "Kravitz has been around for hundreds of years. So long that he doesn’t really remember much of his alive life. All he’s known is himself and his Queen for a long time."My gift for fanflock in the TAZ Candlenights Gift Exchange.





	Cracks in the Skin

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fanflock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanflock/gifts).



Kravitz has been around for hundreds of years. So long that he doesn’t really remember much of his alive life. All he’s known is himself and his Queen for a long time. Sure, there was the occasional person that stuck out on a job, but they didn’t matter much, as they would die long before Kravitz ever thought of retiring from reaperhood. He loves his job, loves the purpose it gives him in death that he can’t fathom having in life.

Adjusting to being constantly surrounded by people feels like an entirely new job, but with this one he has no guidance, no rulebook or easily answered questions. He’s been thrown in blind to a world he hasn’t been a part of in centuries. It’s overwhelming to say the least.

He’s in love and he is loved and that’s such a foreign concept that when his body starts changing in response to it he half thinks it’s some kind of necromantic attack on him. It takes him a couple days to figure out the heartbeat and the breathing and all of the other weird things alive bodies do. He has a mini crisis when he does. Does this mean he’s actually alive again? Will he die? _Can_ he die? He can still turn into a skeleton and possess inanimate objects, but does that even mean anything anymore?

His questions are answered when he’s injured on the job and his soul pops back to the Astral Plane to recuperate. Can’t die then. His construct can just feel things now because of his… emotions? Definitely not the weirdest thing to ever happen, but it’s up there for Kravitz.

He’s shocked by the reaction he gets from Taako when he gets back. He’s upset and worried, and Kravitz isn’t really sure what to do about it.

“I’m fine, Taako,” he says, hands on his shoulders. And even that is new, touching alive people in a way that isn’t meant to kill them. He knows it placates Taako for sure, and he desperately wants that touch in return, but isn’t to the point where he can ask for it yet.

“Nah nah nah,” he says, pushing his hands off his shoulders. “You don’t get to just waltz out there on the job and then get pretty much gutted and pop back to mama bird for a few days and say you’re fine. You’re like, alive now or something.”

“Please don’t call Her that,” he says tiredly. “And I’m not actually alive. I wasn’t sure for a while, but this solidifies it. I can just feel… alive again I suppose.”

“You— what? You weren’t sure if you could die and you just went out there like that anyway? Am I supposed to be comforted by that?”

“Yes?” He supplies, not really sure what else to say. “It all worked out okay?”

“It all worked out okay,” Taako repeats under his breath, covering his eyes with a hand. He inhales sharply through his nose and shakes himself out, standing up straight. “Alright, fine. You just… you think everything’s fine with that for however long you want to. Once you figure it out I’ll do my best not to say I told you so, but absolutely no promises.”

“I don’t even know what there would be to tell me ‘I told you so’ about.”

“Just mull it over,” he says, turning from him and walking into the kitchen. Kravitz sags a little, annoyed and confused. “Think about it for a while.”

He doesn’t come to any kind of solid conclusion any time soon, so he gives up after a while. Taako doesn’t bring it up again, stays far away from the topic in fact, and Kravitz never wanted to talk about it in the first place so he doesn’t push. It’s something he should probably figure out. He knows Taako has fears that he’s never voiced about people disappearing, but he’s not going to. It was a few days of healing, nothing more, and he’s fine now and reassured that he isn’t alive again, just living enough to feel.

He has other things to deal with anyway.

Like how Lup and Barry have such an easy way communicating with each other and the world around them. It’s this nonchalance that he doesn’t get. Lup can swing an arm around anything and make in natural and Barry seems to be able to hold a conversation for hours. They’ve known each other for over a hundred years and Kravitz has known them for less than one. Kravitz has never had to be smooth with his words before but now it feels like he needs to be adept at communicating or he’ll be left in the dust at his own place of work, which is technically also their place of work, but he’s been there longer.

And that’s the problem, isn’t it? He’s been Death for so long he’s forgotten how the living work, and it terrifies him. That he’s there and he’s stiff and he doesn’t know how to talk like they do or be comfortable like they are.

It’s not something he particularly wants to think about, but—

“Yo, Skeleman, you good?” Lup waves a hand in front of his face and while he doesn’t jump it does jolt him out of his thoughts.

“Fine,” he says curtly. She rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, sounds real. Come on, you think you’re gonna slip one by me?”

“I’m not slipping anything by you, Lup. I just got… lost in thought.”

Barry snorts from his chair, reading over one of the books he’d nabbed from his last raid as “evidence.” Kravitz will let this one slide as long as he puts it in the actual evidence bin soon.

“Sure you got lost in thought,” he says, flipping a page, “but what was the thought? Seemed pretty serious by your brooding.”

“I don’t _brood_ ,” he says, vaguely offended.

“You kinda do,” Lup says, spinning in her chair. He’s not sure when it got wheels but they’re certainly there now. “You get all puffed up and dreary looking. You ever notice the feathers on your cape are a dead giveaway to your emotions? ‘Cause they are.”

He bristles and, distantly, feels the feathers on the cape around his shoulders to the same. He sighs as Lup makes a gleeful little noise, shaking them out and back down to normal.

“Nothing too important. Just…” and then he gets an idea. If anyone is going to know why Taako was upset it’s these two. “Taako and I had a bit of an argument a while ago and it’s been bugging me a little.”

“About you getting hurt?” Barry asks, looking up at him and turning his chair.

“Yes,” Kravitz says, cocking his head. “How did you—”

“Oh believe me, we heard about it,” Lup says as she scrubs a hand down her face. “Probably more than you did.”

“Ah.” As unfortunate as it is that they already know, he supposes his thought process was correct. “Would you be willing to offer some… insight?”

“Sure, why not. Didn’t wanna sort through this paperwork anyway.” She spins around in a circle before stopping and facing him. “Shoot.”

And this is the hard part. How does he phrase this without sounding like a complete idiot? “What exactly did I do wrong?”

“Not really sure what you mean,” she says, crossing her legs onto the chair. “In the argument? In the whole getting hurt situation? Where are you wanting the help?”

“The argument.”

“Well from what we heard it sounded like you treated him worrying about you like it didn’t really mean anything.”

“No?” He turns to Barry, brows furrowed. “I just tried to tell him that me getting hurt doesn’t really effect anything in the long run.”

“Mm, I can see how he could take it like that.” Lup grabs the edge of a table and spins herself around. “He also said you weren’t sure if you were killable at the time?”

“I mean, it was a thought, but I assumed I’d figure it out before things got too bad.”

“Uh, things got pretty bad,” Barry says, looking at him. “You definitely pretty much died and had to go back to RQ for a pretty substantial amount of time.”

“Three days is not substantial.”

“Maybe not to you, mister ‘I’ve been around forever,’ but three days is kind of a long time to go MIA.”

“I wasn’t— he knew where I was! That’s not missing.”

“Alright,” Lup says, steepling her fingers together. “Think about it this way. Taako gets hurt. Let’s say it’s just as bad as you did, verge of death, needs to heal for days. You don’t get to see him for those days, you’re not sure what’s happening or if he’s going to be okay. How do you feel?”

“That’s different,” Kravitz says, and he can feel himself tense up. “It’s not— that’s not even remotely the same.”

“How?” Barry asks him. “It seems like it’s pretty much the same.”

“I’m _dead_ ,” Kravitz says, waving a hand up and down his body. “I’m not going to just disappear. I’m not going to disappear on him, I can’t die.”

“Neither can we,” Lup says, and her face is very flat. “Neither of us can die and we both disappeared. Different circumstances, but it’s the same. Just because you can’t die doesn’t mean he’s going to stop worrying about you disappearing.”

He opens his mouth to say something and then closes it. That’s… that’s true. Both Lup and Barry are immortal, and the entire crew of the Starblaster seemed to act like they were in their hundred year journey, and yet he got left with no one.

It doesn’t really seem like anyone is well equipped for this.

“Kravitz?” Lup asks quietly. “You alright?”

“It’s… it’s been a long time since I’ve had to deal with anything remotely close to living feelings.”

Both of them are quiet, and it feels like an invitation to continue, so he takes a breath. “You’re all so _on_ constantly and I’m not really sure how to match that most days. Taako especially. He’s so much and I love him for it, but there’s no instructions for how to deal with everything.”

“That’s your problem,” Lup says. “You’re treating everything like a job and that you’re way to old to start it. Untrue. You just gotta get in there and be vulnerable about some stuff and stop keeping everything locked up.”

“I’m not sure I know how.” He looks at the middle space between the two of them, not wanting to see what their faces look like.

“Babe,” Lup says, turning away from him towards Barry. “You gotta take over on this one. I got no clue how to do repressed nerd shit.”

“I’m not a repressed nerd,”” he says, annoyed.

“Everything you just said? Kind of the definition of repressed nerd,” she says, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Lup,” Barry says before turning his attention back to Kravitz. “Alright. So, you’re trying to figure out how to be alive again? Screw that. You don’t have to be alive to be in love, that is not a requirement. Sure, your body might be doing all the alive stuff, but that’s an afterthought of the love. What you need to do is figure out how to interact in a way that makes you comfortable, because this clearly isn’t it.”

He thinks for a second, and Kravitz hates this energy. He’s older than both of them, even with their ages combined, and yet here they are, giving him relationship advice and honest to gods communication skills.

“So for Taako, I’ve known him for a real long time and I feel like while he loves a big gesture, and let’s face it you’re not really there yet, he also likes something that shows you care. That you’re taking the time to care and get to know him and that you’re not going to split at the last second. Small things. Do something he likes. Tell him more about yourself. You love each other, so you need to communicate. Talk about this with him. He’s gonna appreciate it.”

He thinks for a moment. That all seems very doable. He nods and Lup sighs, tipping her head back.

“Thank god. I was worried you were just gonna shove everything deeper for a hot second there and never talk about your feelings with anyone again.”

“Well now I’m thinking about it,” he jokes, and he can see her grin even with her head away from him.

“Gods, deal with your relationship problems, skeleman. And soon. If I have to open another bottle of wine with my repressed idiot brother over you not telling him anything I’ll literally die.”

“Don’t think the Raven Queen would like that very much, considering the measures you’d have to go to to make that happen.”

“Ugh,” she groans, and Kravitz takes it as a win. Things feel a little bit… lighter. He can do this, can talk in a way that feels comfortable.

It takes him a while to bring any of it up to Taako, but he starts small.

“Do you want any help?” He asks one afternoon, coming into the kitchen to find him mixing something large in a bowl. Taako glances at him and then scoots over.

“If you ruin this bread I’ll be upset,” he says lightly. It’s an empty threat. Kravitz washed his hands and comes over.

“What do I need to do to make it good then?”

“Flour your hands,” he says, and Kravitz stares at the pile of flour in front of him. Gingerly, he places his hands palms down in the flour. Taako snorts out a laugh next to him.

“Nuh uh, like this.” He takes his hands in his and sprinkles a little bit of flour on each of them before clapping them together. Kravitz feels warm at the touch, missing it a bit when he pulls his hands away.

“Alright, I’m gonna have you knead this. You know how kneading works?”

“Like cats?” He offers, looking at him.

“Sort of.” Takko tips the bowl of dough onto the floury counter and demonstrates, pushing his hands in and out and back and forth. “Like this. Fold it over a few times? Just get it all stretchy. Your turn.”

Kravitz takes over cautiously. The dough is soft and a little sticky in his palms. He squishes his hands into it, feeling the gentle depression of it, folding it over itself. Taako watches next to him, judging, appraising.

“You never made bread before, Bones?”

“Not that I remember. I doubt I would have when I was alive. It’s… different than I expected.”

“Good different or bad different?”

“Just different. I like this.”

Taako is smiling in the corner of his vision, but Kravitz doesn’t turn to look. He wants to appreciate this moment, doesn’t want it to get ruined by how eager he is to feel all of this.

It isn’t long that he gets to knead the bread before Taako bats his hands away from it. “Alright, don’t over knead it we don’t want just a solid loaf of bleh. Gotta let this baby rise for a bit and then we can punch it down.”

“P… punch it?”

“Oh yeah,” His smile gets a little sharper, a little wicked. “You gotta smack it in so you don’t just cook a massive fuckin’ air bubble surrounded by crust.”

Kravitz just stares at him. “I believe I’ve misunderstood how this works.”

“C’mon babe, you never relax by punching something’s doughy face in?” He grabs the ball of dough and places it in a bowl, wrapping some paper over the top and setting it on the table. “Hour and a half and then you get to know the true joy of smacking your baking so hard all the air leaves.”

They sit in the living room and flip through Fantasy Queer Eye episodes while they wait for the dough to rise, Taako leaning all of his weight on Kravitz’s side. He enjoys it pretty thoroughly, resting his head atop Taako’s and soaking in the contact.

“I,” Kravitz starts and then stops, tongue heavy in his throat. Taako looks up at him and hums in question, grabbing for the remote and pausing.

“I wanted to talk about the other week, if that’s alright with you.”

“What, the time where you got stabbed?” He sounds accusatory and guarded, stiffening against him. Kravitz sighs.

“Yes, the time where I got stabbed.”

“Mm, what could there possibly be to talk about?” Taako sits up, spine stiff, shoulders set.

“I think we were looking at that from two very different places and I’m sorry for how dismissive I was.”

Taako just sort of looks at him for a few moments before relaxing. “Huh. You know, I was hoping you’d say that but I didn’t really expect you to.”

He smiles and looks at his hands, curled up in his lap. “I’m not very good at this.”

“What, apologizing?”

“Any of it. Talking about things. It’s been a _very_ long time since I’ve had to deal with any kind of emotion from anyone, myself included. It’s so easy just to shove everything down and not think about it when you’re dead like this, especially being sent on reaper missions as often as I am. I think you understand a bit, with the Light and the relics?”

“Mm, yeah, I can dig the overlap.” Taako rests against the pillow on the armrest, looking at him cautiously. He looks less guarded though, so that’s what really counts.

“I don’t really know how to talk about things comfortably anymore? I’m doing my best right now, so bear with me. But it… it’s been so long since I’ve felt things, Taako. Since I’ve been around people at all. It’s just been me and my Queen for a long time. And feelings? They’re a lot. You know when my body started acting alive again I thought it was some sort of long game attack? That this would somehow be the end.”

Taako laughs a little, drawing his knees up.

“But no. It was because of you, you know. That it started feeling things and doing things again. Because I love you. And I know you love me, even if you’re a little loathe to say it sometimes. It’s scary sometimes, I really had no idea whether my soul was considered alive again or not. I didn’t think of it as a bad thing when I got hurt, things like that happen sometimes as a reaper, but I can get how that would be for you. Not knowing, thinking I’m somehow alive again. I didn’t mean to worry you, I swear.”

“I know that,” Taako says, but he looks a little squirmy, a little nervous, like he always does when Kravitz tells him he loves him. “And shit, Krav, I love you too. It kinda fuckin’ sucked not knowing whether you’d be okay or not.”

“I know,” he says, looking at him. “And I’m sorry.”

Taako looks at him, and his expression is more raw and open than it usually is and Kravitz feels it in his gut. He leans forward and presses a gentle kiss to his lips, resting a hand on his cheek. Taako grabs his other hand in his own, squeezing it tightly.

“Come on,” he says when he pulls back. “Let’s go punch your feelings into that bread.”

Kravitz thinks he gets it as Taako leads him back into the kitchen, uncovering the dough for him to hit. It feels a little cathartic, pressing his fist into something that won’t hurt, watching it deflate and then splitting it into two, letting it sit and rise some more in the loaf pans they put it in.

The resulting bread is good, fluffy, airy yet still thick.

“Hmm, not too bad.” Taako takes a bite of the freshly cut loaf, and Kravitz can see in his eyes that he likes it. “Could probably still use a few pointers, but you didn’t wholly fuck it up so there’s that.”

“There is that,” he says, biting into his own warm piece of bread. It’s soft in his mouth, and he loves the sensation of eating and feeling things and being close to people like this. There’s no way that it won’t still be overwhelming, but this he can handle, quiet intimacy over bread that they made together.

Kravitz has been around for centuries, guiding peaceful souls to the Astral Plane and forcefully taking others to the Stockade. He doesn’t remember his alive life and he doesn’t need to. Right now he has all he needs, a partner and friends and a piece of warm bread.

He’s dead, but he feels more alive than he ever has, and that’s all he needed to realize.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Kez! I've never written an explicitly Kravitz fic before so i hope this turned out okay. Really went on a wild ride with this one, but it's here! And it's yours!


End file.
